i haven’t lost the fight

“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight,

but the size of the fight in the dog.”

Words of wisdom from my father

(quoted first by Mark Twain)

I’ve been listening to these words all my life.

I cling to them because they hold a sentimental memory,

but also because they remind me to stay determined

when things get hard.

This was supposed to be my marathon year.

But I’m slowly starting to believe that this dream

is going to have to be postponed.

I guess I can’t say this year has been a failure

as far as running goes.

After all, I have already done two half marathons in 2012.

Who can say that they’ve done the same?

I guess not many.

But an annoying and confusing injury

has definitely put my marathon training on hold.

It feels like I’ve tried everything:

resting for a week or two, getting new shoes,

yoga, hot yoga, swimming, icing, foam rolling,

you name it.

Nothing is working.

My physical therapist never told me to stop running.

She said to take it easy.

I have been.

It’s not working.

Last night there were tears.

And this morning I got misty just thinking about the fact

that my marathon dream for this year is disappearing.

Silly to some, but incredibly important to me.

I’m sorry, but if you’re not a runner,

you might just not get it.

Don’t tell me to stop running.

I won’t.

Don’t tell me I’m getting old.

I’m not.

(There are plenty people over 40 who run and are healthy

or have overcome injuries.)

Instead of that, encourage me.

And sometimes, ask me about something other than running.

It hurts my heart when people ask me how running is going lately.

I feel like such a downer.

So honestly, let’s change the subject for awhile.

My new take on this is that I’m taking a break.

Running is not over.

I’m just listening to my body.

Doing a half marathon in October, then March, then May

was probably not the best idea.

And thinking I could train for another in September

and then a full in December,

was probably crazy.

Let’s be honest.

(I think I’m exiting the ‘denial’ stage of injury, finally.)

This girl’s got fight, and I’m not quitting.

Running consumes my heart.  It’s my passion.

And my marathon dreams can wait.

The drive I have for running won’t let this injury break me.

I’m tough.

I have the fight.

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